just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
