9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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