Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
