I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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