Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
