Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
