JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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