Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
