When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
