I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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