My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
