K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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