He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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