you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
