Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
