Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
