She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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