Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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