Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Alive.
So much puke
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
