Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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