They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just had sex on a roof
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
