Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
