Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
