How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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