Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
