i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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