Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
