If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
