Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I lost the right to judge tonight
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
