What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
