Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
