We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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