dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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