She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
