dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
