the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
