how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
