If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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