So drunk its hurt
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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