Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
