Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
