I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
