At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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