Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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