Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i barfeds in our rink
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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