He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
