Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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