How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
