im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
