Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
