I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
