A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
