babies were throwing up all over the place
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
