highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize