I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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