Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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