i just had sex bonerless
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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