he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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