dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
