Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
