Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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