So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
