god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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