a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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