We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
