there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
