Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
