Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
