My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
