I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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