Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
