I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
