I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
