So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
