I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Randomize
