I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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