If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
