I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
