apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
