I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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