I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
