just survived the first fart of the relationship.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
