I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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