in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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