the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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