Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
