she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
