I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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