there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
