so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
