That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
