Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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