She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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