Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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