just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
