I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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