Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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