is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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