I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
