Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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