I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
