I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
