Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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