I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
